ink dreaming...

a few illustrations after a night of inspiration, friends, and reflecting scribbles.

"make space for Me"

today is new
Today's clean canvas faces me and asks of my feet to walk.
Everyday it comes to visit - this white space, this untouched day.
it holds promises,
and the white open space asks of me to imagine.

I find myself hopeful and excited for the prospect of a new day,
yet the endless horizon of white is stolen and becomes smaller as the day goes on.
I have to fight fears, that lead me to comfort and the familiar.
Choices that are easier to follow; lead me on the old path; away from the open space.
I see the threat to this white canvas is fear.
Fear of the unknown, fear of my insignificance, fear of rejection,
fear of failure.
The open white canvas scares me.
But constantly, and softly there's another voice.
Quiet enough to be missed if I don't quieten the frantic busy-ness around me.
But strong and persistent.
A voice that believes, leads and wraps strength in His hold around me.

So I see the white canvas before me today, again.
And choose to paint the space before me with His direction.
He leads me to love, everytime.
Love that erases the fear.

Today in love I am free.
Free in His space for me.

Flying with 'Orbasquara'

look look look and see the brilliance!

It's like finding someone, finally, who speaks the same language I speak! And he speaks it so eloquently I want to learn and spend the rest of my day, time, brain energy on speaking like this. It's visual language, visual poetry, telling a story in sensory desert/pudding level! Madi just sent me the link {thanks Madi} and I'm transported into a different world of possiblity I can't work anymore... so before I bore you with further ramblings that will never capture the beauty of it anyway go and see, hear and enjoy the flight...

http://www.orbasquara.com/

Jeanne & Dylan's Engagement

I was blessed to share in Jeanne & Dylan's engagement on Friday the 25th September. X and I had fun helping where we could. Congrats you two, all things beautiful and blessed in your new adventure together!

X and I preparing the picnic - cupids in blue!

path of flowers leading the way...


beautiful!

spring clean!

It's Spring and everything around me seems to be singing along! It's the most beautiful thing when life and people reflect the season you find yourself in...

Outside my bedroom window the bare Jacaranda tree is releasing the first purple petals, the sun wakes me up with it's heat at 6am, the smell of jasmine and yesterday/today/tomorrow welcomes me as I walk to my car, fruit and water and all things cold seem the most welcoming on the menu, swimming breaks my week with frequent visits...all of these seem to be the natural 'fruit' of this new season.

And spontaneously the lives, hearts and faces of friends and family around me seem to follow the change of season too; hearts are blooming, engagements and declarations of love are being bravely pursued, dreams and hope for the days that lie ahead sing full of promises in the conversations I find myself in, pink, green and orange are worn in t-shirts, floral dresses and eyes, God's promises for this country, for this continent ring in my ears over and over, letting go and allowing God to bring growth and blooming is inevitable - I can go on!

And finally we're moving office's this week which means - spring cleaning! Never has it been such a pleasure (the housewife in me making an appearence, hmmmm ;) Today I've had to pack up and sort through 9 months of work, memory and growth from within my Link media office. As a church this year as been one of tremendous growth, and it's the most amazing thing to reflect and remember all the moments while sorting through my office.

I'm reminded in this season, and in the packed boxes in front of me that it is truly beautiful to place one's life and heart in the will of the Lord. He creates the most beautiful and perfectly timed end products!!!

remembering spring

the view from my room window... last year spring.
looking forward to this view again! (it's a bit brown at present)

my life now - in an image

these are some images from the web that caught my eye, I sifted through them, cut and pasted this wednesday illustration... my thoughts in image.

My life now - in a quote...

I read the following quote this morning. My experience and life reference at the moment is summed up in this quote. When I read it all of my Spirit and life energy shouted yes with it! Finding words that seem to paint your inner experience of the way you experience your life now, is the best kind of discovery!

Every time you make a choice you are turning the central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different from what it was before. And taking your life as a whole, with all your innumerable choices, all your life you are slowly turning this central thing into either a heavenly creature or into a hellish creature.

-C.S Lewis

For me this quote confronts me with my broken human reality, the urgency of making the most with what I'm given - soaked in hope of becoming what God intended me to be...

california dreaming...

this is a stock photo I came across today...

i miss these days.

Jozi Heights

Carlton Centre in Joburg CBD

If you've never been to joburg city centre, or attempted the heights of the Carlton Centre (the highest builing in Africa!) Then it comes highly recommended. Felt like a tourist in my own country in Jozi CBD, but was awesome to be in the hub of the city and looking over 360 degrees of the buzzing city!

My hands are small I know...

The door to the new Constitutional Court is carved with the imagery of hands, sign language and the 11 languages of our nation. The hands are a fitting symbol of the contribution we have in building into our country and people.

The jozi day trippers on the right :)

jozi - visual poetry

I spent last Saturday in Jozi with some friends. We did Joburg in tourist style and got to know our neighbouring city from a different angle. One of our visits was to the newly built and renovated Constitutional Hill. It's well worth the visit! The contrast of the jail, apartheid history and shocking stories of our past, with that of the new Constitutional Court designed in unity and collaboration, harmony of all our cultures, races that colour our country - lifted and inspired me in hope on reflection.

The photo's and poetry were inspired by the miracle our country has emerged from and the privilege we have to live in this colourful concrete jungle - now.

imagine if...

If we were in a indi rock band this is what we'd look like? hmmmmmm
I forgot how much fun it is to dress up and take on a new persona - raaaaa!
Beunette needed a 'rock band' photoshoot for a project, she took these on film, so this is raw film production - we enjoyed the results!

Niiiice ;)

now all we need are some constructed songs and then we'll be a vacume packed emo-indi band pronto!
any name suggestions?

I made an illustration of text :) my precious collection of 8 journals filled till the last page on Pretoria and the journey thus far...

I've been reading through my journals since the beginning of last year, when our team first moved up to Pretoria to plant our Every Nation church here. Wow. It's amazing how much changes and just how faithful God is. Everytime!

I obviously don't have enough blog spot to summarise 18 months of thoughts, stories, promises, reflections and testimonies. But, the hand-written pages tell a story of God's nature over and over - trust, He is faithful. If you journal, or write things down go have a read over the thoughts, struggles or just observations - it's amazing to be seated in the 'audience' and to see how much happens in a short time and how much God comes through in even the smallest of small;)

surrender

'surrender' illustration

salty blue rain...

the best weather... grey skies above the sea. home.

Thanks An-louise for making my day by sending a pic of my favourite Cape weather. The verse is from her too, and i did a quick edit onto the pic because they were given together - the pic and the verse - and look good together:) there's something about rain on a grey sea that brings quiet rest. Miss it.

"jy's die beste wisa!"

never ending...

views: a tool He uses (just one of them) to get us to stop. and see. 

I have to laugh at myself sometimes, actually often because those of you who know me, know that Nicole blunders are part of the package, daily ;) Anyway this time I have to giggle at the serious streek I find myself in at present. Life seems to be teaching me alot lately and appropriately (as only a german/south african damsel knows how) I have to respond by writing and making 'life lessons' out of these daily discoveries. Guess thats the nature of this blog. Guess thats a unavoidable side of me. This particualr reflection was written on a Monday night two weeks ago. A realisation of the dependency on God that doesn't come naturally...

Monday

I started good intentions, well meaning 

I knew in my mind the layout of my day 

and rehearsed the words of last nights wisdom in my head.

"Focus on God, Rest in Him, Die in Him.

Lord today I trust in You, please guide me."

But words of knowledge are empty drums to His ears.

He knows our well polished words too well, 

and waits in patient still love for the day to start,

all the while knowing that our 'right mindsets' and perfect words

won't be enough for the day ahead.

And so the rush begins, 

I read a verse to sweep the days floor clean and then begin the daily drill:

Messages, the daily skim over schedule, friendly greetings and smiles are the norm. 

Quick hugs, empty of feeling and deep conversations 5 minutes later forgotten.

Then, a thought I've long fought in my mind,

It finds me weak and unprepared on the battle field, when least expected.

As as though I've never learnt before, I fall into the old trap

and fight armourless and unaccompanied

on my own.

Tire comes easily, 

And the thought takes over my mind

Before I realise I'm self consumed 

and the thought has me puzzled and dazed

my identity feels lost in between

And still He sits

All knowing and strong

Armoured and capable in every area I am not.

Unphased by my proud and self-seeking will,

He sits with me

He walks with me

He leads me through the corridors of busy-ness

He stretches out to help

He even whispers words of love and encouragement when I need it the most.

But,  all of who He is

All that He does 

Every act of reaching out and guiding me 

is passed and mislooked,

because my ears are deafened by todays problems,

my eyes are blinded by todays tasks, 

my hands are filled with 'urgent' work

and my heart worried about life's incompleteness, 

the things I don't understand?

Yet, He still whispers, 

He still guides,

He still speaks, 

He still breaths peace into my heart

still.

I carry the day on my own

Ploughing hard 

because in this state of mind "My God needs me to"

Unaware of His capable strength, love

and the availability of it now.

And still He pursues and presses on, 

with eyes, ears, heart only for me.

Determined that maybe in the next person, 

the second flower passed, 

the next conversation, 

I will hear the love and grace He pours over me.

That I will see Him for who He is.

Strong in my weakness.

And so it is, that in the last hour of the day, 

before I lie tired head to rest

I find Him, 

As silent and talkative as He was the whole day

But this time my mind has time to hear Him, and the stillness of the night, 

the dark night sky, is room enough for me to hear, see and understand.

And now I listen

a whole Monday

A whole day of life late,

yet a whole hour early before tuesday

Under the quiet breathing night view, 

inbetween the still evening sounds

I see clearly again,

Not on my own but through the eyes, ears and heart He plants back into my tired soul.

In a minute of rest I understand the love with which He draws me near

And know again, without fear, 

that in Him alone can I walk

Lord, don't stop your dance with me

Lead me again with Love and strength

Today begins in tonights surrender 

in grace

everyday

over and over

I find the way.

 

the above photo was taken in Switzerland on our family trip in December 08 (it's not Pretoria ;don't worry global warming still relatively in control)

Summer is clearly over here in Preotria and we're heading into winter..brrrr. I'm definatly a summer being, don't cope so well with the cold. Non the less winter has to be here, and here it is (as only cold mornings know how to show!) While writing this morning God shared with me again just how His seasons have purpose, and I realised again the correlation of season with seasons in our life. God is challenging me at the moment with letting go... and letting winter. We might not all enjoy it, but He has a bigger and greener plan in mind ;)

winter...

It's Earth's testimony of letting go, 

God's created garden showing us inherent faith: that life depends on letting go, 

letting go, shedding...

to the point of bareness, even in cold, the coldest of cold, 

trusts beyond what it sees and knows deep inside it needs to let go.  

The cold has no politeness, it removes all life and ensures that all dies

And winter persists until all is removed

empty , skeleton branches covered in white. 

It's as though the cleaning swept in by the cold

is purposeful to create space.

space.

Place for the promise that lies in the seasons change

faithful everytime, the change comes

The resurrection of green leaves after the empty canvas of winter.

Lord, I see the winter period of my life as beautiful.

I don't feel it as beautiful, it's not comfortable it doesn't hold back in it's struggle 

letting go never came easy

but I have to choose

And You make it easier

you show me 

season upon season

that it is true

your promise 

resurresction happens after sacrifice of life

it's been done

life is here in abundance

even in winter it stands,

trust and believe.  

 

Frailty proves life...

I'm sombered by a movie clip of a Bettys Bay friend who was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago. He's critically ill at the moment, and to the medical eye it looks as though it's the end. However we don't live by science alone and in Piet's case it's a beautiful security to know he truelly is in God's hands. I've been sombered while watching this clip which his good friend Wim Steytler made whilst Piet was in hospital. It's a contradiction of life in the brightest colour, from the highest of heights, with that of the very real threat of death and the frailty with which we hold the string of life granted to us. 

Piet and his fight. His determined mind. His love for life, for people has placed unavoidably new set of glasses through which one sees and experiences life, day to day life, the very things we don't even notice anymore. One can't go about a normal day, week, year without realising the frailty in which we dwell. And as in the case of Piet; it's frailty that we shouldn't be scared of, shouldn't deny. Frailty seems to suggest weakness, yet as I see it now, frailty makes us highly aware of the gift. The brightness the hope the choice we still have. The choice of making everyday that we are given to live and allow God to reign through us. To take us on the journey He prepared and He guides... 

My thoughts and prayers are with Piet's family and friends. Please take a few minutes to watch the video that documents the past 5 months of Piet's journey. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ul6UvKUapxw&feature=channel_page

rest day inspired...

Yesterdays mood transferred into pen scribbles and paint strokes...

'He makes me rest in fields of green.'

selection election ? ? ?

So it's a few hours before, potentially, one of our country's most significant and historical elections are held since 1994. I feel slightly dramatic saying that because it feels as though it's just another 'formality' we're going to do tomorrow and a few months, perhaps years down the road we'll have more regard for the 22nd of April 2009 and realise just how significant and pivotal this day was for us as a growing democracy. Or the other side of the coin: it could potentially just be another unimportant, un-eventful election with no real lasting change in the running of our country? 

The ever hopeful in me wants to differ, so I decided to focus all my unanswered indecisiveness and uncertainity regarding tomorrow on the good stuff, realisations and thoughts I've gathered through the dilemma of 'election selection'...

 Why I've enjoyed the election slection process:

• Its given me a reason for my second blog - whoop whoop :) jokes, (but really, blog No.2 has a different pressure than no.1, just so you know ;)
• Zapiro's election fury has made for some good old 'in your face' satire.
  
• The patriotic feeling when seeing pics of Trafalgar square coloured by 7000 South Africans queing to vote in London
• Election posters have made for entertaining and unusual thoughts whilst sitting in traffic... 
• The patriotic side of me has loved the fact that 20 million fellow South Africans are being confronted in seriously considering what and where they want our country to go - and that they have a vital role to play in it!
• The fact that I realised that I actually know very little about politics and have had a bit of a expansion political knowledge...
• The fact that my Mail & Guardian quiz I did on the web 'UNdecided who to vote for poll' told me I'm an ANC supporter - ba ha! Funny one! Then I redid the quiz and actually made an effort to understand the policies they were asking about - the result was very different second time round (just so you know...)
• The debate of Christian values and principles vs governance and politics? How much do and should they mix? I've had my mind sets challenged about controversial stands like the death penalty. 
• The fact that we have a public holiday! 
• Lastly, that the results could potentially be very different to what we've always assumed would be. These elections actually demand my vote because the outcome isn't as obvious as previous elections. 
  
  
  
  
  So there's alot to be said for tomorrw. I definatly want to draw my cross with the mindset of understanding the value and potential my taking part in this election and voiceing my opinion makes. I'm hopeful for an election whose end results will represent a country that yes might have problems, but has a healthy democracy, and holds a nation that thinks, engages and actively takes part in the running and future of our country.
  
  
  So after all the studying, debating, eaves dropping, news paper reading and praying...The dilemma of indecsicveness still stands, but hopefully the revelation of the 'right vote' will miraculously and in a bright light of clarification pop it's head up as I enter the boothe... but I think my optimism might be a bit over exteneded in this case.. might have to resort to the traditional flick of a coin...
  
  
  That being said I have hope, that even though we might not have the perfect or obvious opposition to vote for (well for a me at least) there's alot to be said for the 20 million representation of South Africans that are taking a stand and choosing to actively partake in building this colourful, contradicting yet transforming country of ours!

x     

[yes thats intentional]

the blogging begins...

I have been warned it's addictive, I've been warned it's a time killer and I've also been warned that it ropes you into a new scarey level of netwroking... well,

1. I happen to be addicted to writing anyway 

2. Time inevitably dies around us all the time (whoops there goes another one) so I might as well kill a few with blog thoughts ;) 

3. When you live in a city thats thousands of kilometers away from your home town, have friends all over the world, and have grown tired of writing email upon email to different friends and family wanting to know about what you're up too? How the church plant is going? How you are? What do you look like? Married yet :P  Then 'scarey new level of networking' sounds perfecto! - there's nothing more inviting than technology that actaully serves your needs! 

So here it is my first blog entry...  exciting stuff!

Don't expect every blog to be profound please, the idea of the blog lies in reflecting honestly whats happening in my life and to encourage people through what God is doing in my life, in the church, as well as in the lives of people around me, cause it seems to happen everyday, little miracles, that deserve acknowledgment (funny also, we're only aware of little miracles when we stop to reflect - another good reason to blog!) It's not hard to notice how quickly life, my plans, and people around me change, so this is my attempt at keeping up to date and connected with my own life and the journey God's taking me on, as well as keeping intrested people 'posted' too :)  

I'm reminded of a quote I wrote down a year ago after reading a book called 'Norwegian Wood' by a Japanese writer Murakami (I don't recommend the book for the content, personal reasons for that, but that being said his writing is beautiful!) why I look forward to the blogging journey ...

"Which is why I'm writing this book. To think. To understand. It just so happens to be the way I'm made. I have to write things down to feel I fully comprehend them." 

DITTO! So this will be my attempt at comprehending and reflecting, through text...

let the blogging begin.  

Papa and Mama you're going to have to get into the blogging thing too, Facebook and emails you've managed to master - now here's a new oppertunity to get even more web swavy ;)