Unravelled Self

Recently discovered some writing from a few months back. The raw broken moments are part of celebrating life too. So I want to share this one. 

Confronted with my lack,

Confronted with the gap.

A deep dark space of unknown vastness

stranded in the centre of my own maze map.

Where are you God? I whimper

Still. No sound in answer back.

Where are you God? I whisper

 Desperate to seek the light I lack.

 Silence swallows my voice, filling my ears

noise and distraction would be easier to bare.

I haven't heard His voice in so long,

I'm not sure how to turn this heaviness to air?

But, He is not in the darkness,

yet somewhere He has to be found?

I've known light and felt it's comfort

why is it that He's left me confound?

The longer I stand in this unknown place

The quieter it becomes...

I have no explanation to trace

but as I trust, a silent beat drums.

His heart beating within me...

and slowly His voice severs silence apart.

"Meet yourself in this cold place,

meet your own dark and lonely heart."

His presence confronts me with myself

nothing else around.

I see clearly now hollow emptiness

all along I was holding myself confound.

Confronted with the dark that is my own,

reveals the need of light I seek.

I choose to silence the fear and unknown

and search for light regardless of how weak.

My load lessens steadily surrounded in His voice

Yet pitch black my reality as I look around.

The silence breaks when I make the choice

 to listen to Love in the light of His sound:

"Meet Me, Nicole, come face to face

I'm longing for our heart's bond.

Don't be consumed by this cloud of fear

My light will fill you when you respond.

I'm confronted Lord, here on my own

and all that's within me wants to run!

I don't want this confronting dark to stay
Yet my holding tightly is in your presence is coming undone...

Somehow I know the falling apart is what I need

The freedom is not found in an outward farce.

It's true this reality - I'm not okay,

He won't relent until in trust I unmask.

Less of this dark and unending path,

that leads me to do life on my own.

My pride brought me to this dark place

I'm confronted with nothing but myself,
 alone.

In this honesty His love comes crashing down,

and with all it's pervasiveness my emptiness fills.

Suddenly the darkness around me is consumed

with light so bright out of my soul it spills.

On my own I've known the dark expanse

I allowed it's power in a tight knotted hold

yet in my seeking a voice of Truth I heard,

untangling the dark knot I unfold...